Why ADHD Kids Are Sometimes Bossy, Defiant and Anxious
Related Neurological Disorders Articles
Does your child with ADHD act bossy or defiant, control games and outcomes, or express obsessive-compulsive tendencies? Does he or she suffer from anxiety?
I have to admit that I'm a geek-I get excited when I uncover some unique insight into human nature. Last week, I was conducting an in-home consultation with a family who was struggling with an extremely active, impulsive child with ADHD.
I was watching this young ball of energy do one thing after another in a seemingly irrational pattern of misbehavior. Then it clicked.
A child with ADHD has a lot of “dis-order” swirling inside. They are often creative and filled with ideas spinning quickly through them. Therefore, they have a great need for order on the outside.
Think about these qualities our children often exhibit: · Bossy, defiant and controls games or situations. · Transitions poorly and gets upset at seemingly small inconveniences. · Displays OCD tendencies. · Needs to know what's going to happen and when. · Plays video games compulsively. · Appears anxious and nervous.
Most of the time, when children with ADHD “misbehave” or do things that frustrate us, they are seeking to meet a need. They just do so inappropriately. We don't want to make excuses for them, but we do want to understand how to teach our kids to meet their needs in positive ways.
This will not only help our kids develop healthy self-awareness, it also helps us turn negative reactions into positive, proactive solutions.
So here are some things you can do to help create order in your child's life. As we like to say, circles need squares: ü Create big, colorful charts/calendars of activities with clear expectations and timelines for homework, play time, dinner, bath, reading time, bedtime, etc. for each night of the week. This will help with transitions and enable them to self-monitor and gain a sense of control over the schedule.
ü Teach your child to write things down-ideas, projects, plans for the weekend. The act of writing helps cement the plan in their mind and makes it concrete.
ü Have a plan. Kids without a clear agenda often feel lost, and that's when you see the nervous energy on display.
ü Get your child with ADHD involved in planning activities-this sense of ownership teaches them responsibility and also makes them feel more in control.
ü Make your rules clear and consistent. Give rewards and consequences immediately. Discipline unemotionally.
ü Let your child know he or she has choices to make. And those choices determine whether he or she receives a reward or consequence.
ü Focused, purposeful activities provide a sense of order inside.
ü Help your child with ADHD achieve wins in self-control. This will give your child confidence inside that they CAN exhibit self-control and internal order.
Next time your child does something perplexing or troubling, look below the surface. See what need they are trying to meet. And take time to help them meet that need in positive ways.
Kirk Martin is Founder of Celebrate!ADHD, a nationally recognized expert on finding positive solutions to help families with ADHD thrive. The organization's award-winning Camps build confidence and social skills. Kirk is also the author of numerous books.
Disclaimer: The information presented and opinions expressed herein are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of ArticlePros.com and/or its partners.
