Here are a few ways to help you define the line between a soft addiction and a productive activity: Zoning out. One way of identifying a soft addiction is to notice whether or not you zone out while you are doing it. When a person is zoned out they aren't completely engaged. We might be daydreaming or have a "no one is home" look on our face. Zoning out implies that the real goal of the activity is to become numb. Although we are physically engaged, our minds are somewhere else. When the activity is over we frequently do not remember what we have done, seen, or read. Though this generally occurs when watching television, it may also occur while shopping, working, having superficial conversations, or doing any number of activities. Escaping feelings. Certain activities numb us to our emotions, especially very strong emotions. We escape feelings by becoming numb to them, enhancing certain feelings that we enjoy to the rejection of others, or even wallowing in one unpleasant feeling to avoid other feelings. Many of us feel uneasy about our deepest feelings, whether they are positive or negative. We typically do not know how to safely handle our sadness or anger so we find an activity or a mood that facilitates an emotion-muting state, which only represses our sadness, anger or other unsettled feelings. Compulsiveness. Are you driven to indulge in a particular activity or emotion? Do you feel compelled to do, have, or purchase something, even though you understand that it's not necessary? Do you feel helpless or powerless against these feelings? You may not be able to stop or reduce the amount of time wasted on the activity. Although you may find some transient pleasure, you often don't feel good afterward. You persist in going along with the routine, saying to yourself, I will never do this again. Though you try to stop, you cannot. Rationalization. If you are defensive or make excuses for your actions, it's probably a soft addiction. Denial is refusing to admit and rationalization is making excuses to justify a behavior. Both blunt our self-awareness and reduce our expectations of ourselves. To write our actions off as acceptable, we overlook, cover up, or gloss over the true reason or cost. We either convince ourselves that our habit is not a problem or we make up reasons why it is a suitable or necessary way to spend our time. "What is so bad about a couple cups of coffee?" is a typical justification. We may deny that the hours spent surfing the internet are a great waste of time. The urge to justify a behavior suggests a soft addiction. Stinking thinking. "Stinking thinking" is faulty thinking built on false beliefs. Generalizing, amplifying, minimizing, justifying, blaming, and emotional reasoning are a few examples. Stinking thinking creates the silly logic of soft addictions. For instance, "there aren't calories if I eat standing up," or "I can't work out if I've already showered." Woven throughout soft addiction routines, this kind of thinking is addictive. The tainted thoughts persuade us to indulge in a soft addiction in the first place and later on let us justify the indulgence. Covering the behavior. Be cautious of habits that turn into guilty amusements you seek to hide. Covering up the number of hours you spend participating in an activity or being deceitful to those around you about how you normally spend your time or your money suggests that you have soft addictions. In other words, you are ashamed of what you are doing and that is why you want to hide it.
Judith Wright is an author, speaker, educator, and seminar leader. She teaches workshops on overcoming soft addictions and creating "More" for 12 years. You can contact her through her Web site at www.theremustbemore.com. See also <a href="http://www.accilifeskills.com/wright-institute-for-lifelong-learning/"> ACCI Life Skills </a>
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