It is said that the darkest hour comes before the dawn, but this can be hard to really believe when one suffers from severe depression. It becomes impossible to find anything positive in life; nothing excites, nothing inflames passions, everything just seems to cause more problems, and bring you lower down. That was my life not too long ago, but after I reached my lowest point, I knew I'd have to find an outlet. I'd always enjoyed roleplaying online, but I was finding it tricky at the time; the game I was into then had a playerbase made up entirely of teenage children, and as someone who'd just turned 40, I didn't feel that I could relax much. I felt like the mother nobody wanted to listen to, and it just made the situation worse.
Years ago, a friend of mine had mentioned FiranMUX, and I'd looked into it. Back then, I was put off by the fact that the game consisted of pregenerated characters, dreamed up by the staff; I prefer the creativity to forge ahead as my own creation. Although there were many interesting characters on the game, I thought I'd find it too difficult to get into a character that another person has played. Fortunately, the second time I came to Firan, the staff were trying something new: player-generated characters. This was familiar to me, and pretty soon I'd made my first character. As I settled into her shoes, I found myself learning more about the theme. Firan is set in an original world, based loosely on Greco-Roman times, but with a strong dose of fantasy: there's an ongoing war against a nonhuman enemy, mystical beasts such as krakens and chimera make occasional appearances, and even the gods themselves sometimes take a direct hand in mortal affairs. As I had studied both Roman history and mythology in high school Latin, the theme was not so unfamiliar. There's something for everyone: political intrigue, war-related heroism, or just simple, family affairs.
Within a few weeks, I found myself wanting an alt. By this time, I felt ready to go for someone who'd been played before, and I chose Kameelya from the roster of pregenerated characters. Her life has had ups and downs but she's a strong woman with a keen sense of self, something I have lacked in my own life. Still, there was something about her wanting to nurture people that touched a chord within me as that was a key factor in my own personality that I felt I never was allowed to express often enough. It was that connection which has made my playing her much easier than I thought would be possible. And yes, I did find that friend who introduced me to Firan many years ago still on the game as well as others I had known from other games. How many other games have inspired that kind of loyalty and sustainability? Not many; the average MUX doesn't last more than a few years, whereas Firan's been up and running since 1998, with a playerbase that's well into the hundreds.
Firan is different from most other MUSHES or MUXes. It is a very code-intensive MUX and is very much a cross between the MUSHes I had been used to without a stat system and the tabletop RPing that I had started way back during the late 70's. I was delighted to find the dice system as it left little 'doubt' on who had succeeded in what they were doing and who had not. This had been a difficulty on other games as it would often seem that the person running the scene would usually 'rule' in favor of their PC or that of their friends. I liked the fact this would not happen on Firan and felt a little more at ease. Like any newbie, I made many mistakes at first and asked numerous questions. The staff are truly friendly to the confused new player as well as the more established player, which was one thing that I had always looked for in games.
But the best thing about Firan, for me, is the sense of community there. I felt immediately accepted by the playerbase and staff alike. For once, I'm not the oldest person on the game; Firan attracts players of all ages, so while there are plenty who are closer to my children's ages than my own, there are also many within five years of my own age, so I don't feel like I'm looking in from the outside. Firan bridges the age gap as well allows a world wide community that spans no less than five continents.
I had a great time when I was able to attend the annual get-together, FiranCon, with my fellow Firanites. The depression and anxiety of my life had led to years of agoraphobia. People accepting me with the internet between us was one thing, but meeting them in person was something entirely different. I was rather worried as prior experiences had not turned out very well, including people refusing to talk to me online after they met me. My fears that I would not be accepted grew as FiranCon approached, but those fears were unwarranted. I found the people that I met were just as accepting of me offline as they were online. As a result, I was able to relax a little more and thus started to open up. Perhaps it was people accepting me as I am that has started in a little self-acceptance. I know I feel more self-confident and there are times when I can lose myself in the RP for hours and feel energized from the break from real life problems. The ability to step into a character who is mentally and emotionally much stronger than myself has led me to asking myself how will my character handle such were she in my position. Believe it or not, this has assisted me at work as I have been able to actually say no to those who wish to to take advantage over my usually giving nature.
So, how has Firan changed my life outlook? I find myself leaving the depressive years behind, and I feel more confident about stepping out into the real world once more. Of course, FiranMUX is no substitute for professional therapy, but through this game, I've met people from all walks of life, made friends I know I'll cherish for years and - best of all - had lots of great times, with plenty more to come
Disclaimer: The information presented and opinions expressed herein are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of ArticlePros.com and/or its partners.
