Women are by nature and training nurturers. But we often carry this too far. We think of everyone else’s needs, but forget our own. How far can one woman stretch? Who will care for us if we don’t care for ourselves? What are the underlying beliefs that drive us to give and give until there’s very little left for ourselves?
I have helped many women who are professional caregivers. They spend their days giving succor to others, then go home to demanding home lives… children with all kinds of needs, partners who can’t or won’t pick up the slack, and in many cases aging parents who require intensive support.
As women many of us just keep on going until we are running on empty. Then something starts to shatter inside us. As we try to compartmentalize the parts of our lives in order to accomplish more, we begin to fracture inside and lose touch with the essence of ourselves. Sometimes our physical health suffers; more often it’s our mental and emotional health. Depression, anxiety, sadness and/or anger may simmer beneath the surface, and emerge more and more as women reach their mid years.
Why wouldn’t we be mad or sad or anxious. It’s a normal and healthy response to pushing too hard for too long. Look at the schedules of women around you and at your own. Perhaps it’s time to question why we believe we have to do so much, often without adequate support. And to examine the toll it is taking on us.
If you want to take a look at your life and see where you would like to initiate change, the following questions may help you get started:
· When you think about your life, how does it measure up to what you’d hoped for? (If +10
is ‘I’m right there’, what # are you at right now?)
· Imagine you are walking into your workplace right now. How does your body feel? (Hint: check your stomach, neck, and chest areas)
· If you knew you would only live for 6 more months, what would you do & who would you
do it with?
· Do you look forward to going home after work & spending time with your partner, your
children, or close friends? If not, why not?
· What are your beliefs about happiness, relationships and life work?
The answers you get to these questions are information only. You don’t have to do a thing about them at this point. Just spend a little time thinking about them and visualizing your life as you dream it could be.
Ellen Besso, MA is a North Star Coach, personally trained by Martha Beck, PhD. Through her Odyssey of Change program, Ellen coaches midlife women through life challenges as they strengthen their body-mind-spirit connection, release beliefs that limit their growth & take specific actions to move themselves towards their ideal life. If you feel unsatisfied in any area of your life and would like to explore life questions in more depth, contact Ellen at: 800 961 1364 or info@ellenbesso.com. Find out more about Ellen’s work and read articles by her at: www.ellenbesso.com
