Expectations for fathers are greater than ever before. They're taking on more responsibility at home, while the demands at work have never been higher.
Here are ten ways to be a more effective father, during the precious time fathers do have with their kids:
1. See your kids as capable
The achilles heel of many fathers is to see their kids as "not good enough." Your kids will feel this, and they'll live up to these expectations. The more you approve of them, the greater they'll be!
2. Make time for your kids
There will always be more work, but you won't always have the chance to be with your kids. Are there ways to include them in chores around the house? Your kids will know if they matter to you, by the effort you make to include them in your day.
3. Use positive forms of discipline
Punishment is not very effective. It tends to create more of the very behavior that fathers are seeking to eliminate. Use natural and logical consequences instead-if you don't pick up your toys, they calmly get put in a bag, and taken away for awhile. Give them choices. Positive discipline methods help kids learn responsibility, while punishment helps them learn to dislike you.
4. Have a great relationship with your spouse
You are the main role model for your kids, and this is the main source of information about how to have an effective, loving relationship. They're watching very closely to learn how to do it.
5. Be aware of your kids lives
How much do you really know about your kids? Are you aware of their hopes and dreams? Do you know what inspires them? Do you know their friends names? What they like and dislike about you? If there are things you don't know about your kids, you can always ask!
6. Be nurturing with your kids
Hug and kiss your kids, and let them hear plenty of "I love you's." And, don't forget to wrestle with them! Both boys and girls benefit from wrestling with their dads. Kids need to see your "fun, physical side," but they need to see your "soft side" too.
7. "Really" listen to your kids
Put down the newspaper and look your kids in the eye when they talk to you. Be aware of your own tendency to "filter" what your kids say. Reflect back what you heard from them. If you want them to listen to you, you've got to show them the way.
8. Examine your relationship with your own father
A poor relationship with your own father will affect your ability to be an effective father. Are there things you want to say to your father? Forgiving your father will help you to father to the best of your ability.
9. Take care of yourself
It's difficult to be kind and nurturing to your family if you're not kind to yourself. Find ways to take the time to relax, exercise, and keep your stress levels lower. And use friends and family to support you-don't become an "island" in your family. Your family will appreciate it.
10. Have a plan for your anger
Men can have a difficult time with the emotional intensity that families bring up. The result is often anger, which breeds anger in your kids, and creates a vicious cycle. Make a plan with a specific relaxation technique that helps to defuse your anger. Remember that one bad episode can impact your kids for a long time.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to
be better fathers and husbands. He is the author
of "25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers"
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm.
Sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, "Dads,
Don't Fix Your Kids," at http://www.markbrandenburg.com
