Even today, infidelity is perhaps the major cause for rocking most marriages. Nothing hurts a person more than a partner giving up on the commitment and having a relationship with someone outside the marriage. Unfaithfulness leads to distrust, anger, pain and disillusionment. Therefore, some marriages find it difficult to recover from infidelity.
Temptation Comes Calling
Everybody gets married fully meaning to remain committed to a partner for life. Despite the good intentions, however, reality has a way of testing this commitment. With time, marriage loses its sheen, partners take each other for granted and their sex lives begin to wane. At this point, when opportunity throws a person in the company of an attractive person, it is easy to become infatuated.
An affair seems to offer excitement, novelty and romance all of which a marriage does not seem to have anymore. An affair also seems to involve less responsibility, to begin with. Something that starts off as a diversion soon becomes a full-blown affair. Some people give in to temptation more easily than others.
The common notion is that affairs happen because something is missing in a marriage. However, the missing factor occurs because people stop paying attention to their marriage. Even affairs can become tiresome with time when the excitement fades and the demands increase. At the beginning though, an affair seems to hold all the promise that a marriage didn’t seem to live up to.
When an Affair is Discovered
It is always said that a spouse is always the last to know about a partner’s infidelity. More than not knowing, it is perhaps a case of not wanting to know as accepting reality can be extremely painful. Sooner rather than later, however, the truth comes out in the open and it can be devastating. A partner goes from being shocked to angry to terribly sad. From being accusatory to self-doubting, a person goes through a lot of pain.
The partner who has been unfaithful on the other hand, goes from denying the whole thing to admitting to it and finally being apologetic. In the midst of all this drama, the commitment that a couple have for each other is tested. The emotions that surround infidelity are negative and high-strung. The very foundation that the marriage is built on is shaken.
Putting the Pieces Back
Once the foundation of a marriage has been shaken, it is very difficult to make it strong again. The survival of a marriage depends on how strong two people are and how willing they are to make it work. Marriages that are fairly weak and have no room for communication and understanding will cave in and not survive infidelity.
However, when a couple have had a strong relationship where they can talk about everything, it might be easier to overcome infidelity. If it has been a one-off incident and the erring spouse is truly repentant, the other partner might be willing to give the marriage a second chance. There are people who are compulsively unfaithful which shows a basic lack of respect for spouse and the marriage. In such a scenario, it is, perhaps, best that the other partner just move on.
Overcoming Resentment
Even if a couple decide to put an indiscretion behind them, it isn’t the easiest thing for a partner to get over the resentment. If a person truly wants to give the marriage a second chance, it is important that he or she lets go of resentment. If it still festers beneath the surface, it could spill over and cause a rift again.
A person can decide to get counselling to help get over a partner’s infidelity. This is a good way to sort out confused emotions and deal with them one by one. The unfaithful partner should make an extra effort to make a spouse feel special again and be extra supportive.
Preventing a Second Affair
The worst thing a person can do is to watch a partner like a hawk after an affair. If both people have decided to give the marriage a chance, then it is best to let bygones be bygones. However, there should be lessons learnt to prevent it from happening again. Couples should take time to communicate, spend quality time with each other and not take the other for granted.
Both partners should show equal commitment to wanting the marriage to work. They should learn to appreciate all the qualities that had drawn them to each other in the first place. A marriage should not be treated like a burden but should be enjoyed. It is also important for erring spouses to remember that the grass just seems greener on the other side but it very rarely is!
Source: http://www.ArticlePros.com/author.php?James Walsh
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