“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) - Farangs: In (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!”
By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright February 2008
(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)
“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”
*Below is the eleventh episode in a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.
Are you currently in (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian relationship? Need to understand your current (or prospective) Asian partner better? READ THIS NOW!
Over 90% of all Western/Asian relationships end up in failure. Why?
Many reasons.
This (and following) articles will deal with some basic, but VERY PERSONAL questions you must ask yourself to increase your chances of long-term relationship success.
In fact, unless you ask (and honestly answer) these questions, you are setting yourself up for failure; resulting in one (or more) of the following: bitter heartbreak, financial loss, disappointment, frustration, depression, and anger.
I know. It happened to me.
And I empathize…
Please Note:
Although the words “Thai” and “Thais” appear frequently, the cultural differences depicted in this article can be generalized (justifiably) to most other Asian countries (e.g., the Philippines, Malaysai, Cambodia, Vietnam, Indonesia, etc.).
Also, I acknowledge the fact that Western/Asian relationships don’t always consist of a Western Man and an Asian Woman. There are many Western Woman/Asian Man relationships, as well as Man/Man and Woman/Woman couples out there.
But, since the overwhelming majority of Western/Asian couples are composed of a Western Man and an Asian Woman, this article addresses their issues and assumes that they are the primary audience for the information submitted below.
- Miming is Not Good Enough -
Experts will tell you that relationships fail basically because of two main reasons: miscommunication and incompatibility.
First, let’s talk about communication.
When there is true communication (meaning: open, honest speech that results in a state of mutual comprehension), fully half of all relationship problems can be prevented.
But true communication between two people from the same country (who speak the same language) is difficult enough. Between two people from different countries, speaking different languages? Almost impossible!
Since most Farangs (Thai: foreigners) in Thailand do not speak Thai, they are already “behind the eight-ball” in their pursuit of relationship success.
And unless you or your partner is a super-patient individual, miscommunication becomes the first nail in the relationship coffin.
No matter how comfortable/strong you think you are about yourself, confusion and paranoia is inevitable when people are constantly looking at you and saying things you can not understand.
Has that happened to you? Doesn’t feel good, does it?
Now imagine how she feels when you do it to her with your Farang friends.
Do you speak her language? Does she speak yours? Miming out your needs may be necessary at first, but it quickly becomes tedious and will absolutely not substitute for true communication over the long run.
Besides, how do you mime in the dark or over the phone?
- Say You, Say Me -
Let’s face it, learning a different language can be difficult (especially as an adult).
But if you are serious about “getting serious,” you (and her) must study each other’s language – on a daily basis. Set aside some time everyday to learn a couple words or a phrase from each other’s language.
Make it a game. Make it fun.
Many individuals go as far as attending formal foreign language classes.
Ironically, some English Teachers send their Thai partners to English classes offered at the many local Language Institutes.
Why is this so?
1) Many teachers are just plain burnt out from teaching English all day. The thought of coming home to teach makes them nauseous.
2) Forced learning at home is similar to teaching your wife how to drive a car: It almost always leads to an unpleasant experience.
3) Spending money on formal classes is a public way of showing your partner that you really care about her and the relationship. Then she can brag about the classes to her friends and socialize with the other students (which every normal Thai woman will inevitably do).
4) If she does not work, the classes become a productive way for her to spend her time while you are at work (instead of watching hours of TV Soaps, gabbing on the phone, or shopping).
Furthermore, if you have the resources (time and money) for formal foreign language classes, go for it.
It will make life so much easier between you and your Asian partner.
- Excuses and Learning Materials -
Initially, almost all Farangs will spend their hard earned cash on some kind of Thai/English learning material. They vow to learn as much as they can - as quickly as they can.
What happens next?
The books, tapes, CD’s, and/or software packages end up collecting dust on the bookshelf.
Only a fraction of Farangs habitually study Thai on a daily basis. Why?
Cost of materials, laziness, inconvenience, job-fatigue, and shyness are some of the common excuses.
But in my experience, LACK OF COMMITMENT is the underlying cause for avoiding the difficult (but necessary) task of learning the foreign language.
Cost of materials?
I know of some Farangs who do quite well with just a pencil and paper. They constantly write things down that impact their daily lives (or are simply curious about) for translation later.
Then they sum up the courage to talk to and ask a local, English speaking Thai about their writings; or simply look it up in their Thai/English dictionary.
In the end, they (Farang and Thai) both have fun and learn from each other.
- Staying Motivated -
A good way to stay motivated is to remember that half of all relationship problems can be avoided with better communication.
Make it a habit. Set aside time for it – daily!
At first, the rewards may seem dismal compared to the effort. But keep at it. Believe me, it does get easier with time. And any step forward, no matter how small, is real progress.
Just think how appealing you will be to your (or prospective) Asian partner when you can make her laugh and smile by simply speaking a little of her language. Think of how many misunderstandings can be deleted from your personal scenario with each new word or phrase you learn.
Additionally, since Thai-speaking Farangs are rare, you will be considered quite irresistible to most Thai women, having a great advantage over the next guy.
So, it’s up to you.
Try to learn and improve your interpersonal communication skills or stay “behind the eight ball,” frustratingly having to act out all your needs, questions, and desires.
I just hope the lighting is okay…
(Continued in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ - Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues”)
Note: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES...”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND - Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Meant to Be?”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Old Endings”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) - Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.”
“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”
“Remember Who You Are!”
“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”
(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)
He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an A.A., B.S., and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he free-fall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water. He went to Thailand 1 year ago for a week’s vacation, fell into a teaching job, and has never left!
Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
Founder, Y.N. Vurce Publishing
http://www.ynvurcepublishing.com
