Dating is becoming increasingly more difficult these days. Whether it’s due to a rise in supposed pro-feminist views, an increase in sexual expectations, or something in between, the whole concept of courtship seems to be on its way out. Anyone have a problem with this?
Courtship used to involve a series of steps, (you know: a girl and guy catch each other’s eyes, they flirt, he offers to carry her books, takes her out, and eventually asks her to go steady?) all leading up to the eventual relationship. Sex kind of topped it all off – a reward for everyone’s hard work. The process seems fairly balanced – the boy is given the challenge of pursuit; the girl is given the challenge of restraint; both sides are forced to get to know each other before things get physical. It makes sense.
So why doesn’t the process seem to move forward anymore? Instead, it’s such a jumble of knots and loops that it’s difficult to know whether we’re making progress or simply going in circles. Particularly in college, dating has metamorphosized into a blur of partying and sexual activity. People don’t meet in libraries or cafes anymore; they meet at Sigma Frat’s kegger on a Friday night. A drunken fling could evolve into a long-lasting relationship or nothing at all. In a sense, everything has flip-flopped: instead of an ending point, sex has become a beginning that may or may not go anywhere.
This doesn’t have to be a bad thing – (safe) sex is great! Why shouldn’t it happen sooner? The answer is the process gets complicated. After sex, there isn’t a set direction in which to travel. Do you both go on with single life as usual, decide to get to know each other, pretend it never happened…what? Hence, the once-straight path is no longer a path at all.
So what’s the conclusion? Should the path be straightened out, or is this the “modern” way? It depends on what you’re looking for. But if a person is in search of a long-term relationship, sex first is rarely the answer. This doesn’t mean a boy has to carry a girl’s books for months in order to have sex with her. It doesn’t mean people should stop partying either. It means people need to work harder to get to know each other and figure things out before they leap into bed together. Isn’t it better to be both physically and emotionally attracted to the person you’re sleeping with? I personally think it’s more fun.
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