Behavior Modification like behavior management & Anger Management is misnamed. Humans naturally resists getting modified or managed. People are like springs: the harder you push the harder they resist. The greatest method is Self Modification as a form in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook. Cognitive Restructuring if performed properly has the capacity to go deep and fix faulty thinking errors and self defeating behaviors. The following story is an example of cognitive restructuring text.
Amy lived in fear of Cord. She couldn't do right around him. He possessed brawny muscles and if he lost his temper in irate anger, his hand was a fatal weapon that could kill her in a single hit. Her 128 pound body was very little defense.
Amy kept him from his sexual fantasies and yearning for other women. Consequently he would stir in her the conduct that he himself disliked so that he could rationalize his actions towards her. He had fooled himself into believing that all their troubles were her fault. He was frequently focusing on her deficiencies while in all actuality she was a loyal, talented, erudite woman and loving mother.
Amy joined numberless other women and men caught up in the murkiness of maltreatment, terrible existence of terror, worry and uncertainty. Different from damage by a stranger, tight bonds of attachment and involuntary programming keep the victim connected to the abuser in an eternal tradition of abuse.
Domestic violence is a systemic disease that is, it's embedded deeply in ones life. It produces various symptoms and, unless the disorder is removed, the symptoms will continue.
1. Can you name a few of the symptoms or signs of domestic violence? _____________________________
2. How come domestic violence is more emotionally harmful than abuse by someone you don't know? ___________________________
3. How did Amy destroy her disease? ____________________________________________________________
4. What happens when her and women similar to her do not cut the ties through total separation but stay attached to their abuser? ___________________________________________________________
5. Severing relationships can be upsetting and it can hurt a lot. Why is it wrong to judge men and women who stay in abusive relationships? __________________________________
Those who are abused need encouragement and support, not contempt. T or F?
6. How should you go about cutting the strong emotional ties of a disastrous marriage? ________________________________________
VALIDATION
To really understand the deep gulf of domestic violence, one has to understand the high that comes from interdependency, where the man and the woman get their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs met. Satisfying a persons Hierarchy of Physical needs - air, water, food, clothes, shelter isn't difficult, but satisfying someone's emotional needs is another matter. Please take this test:
Using a scale from 1-5, rate your marriage for the last two years.
Need to be loved - I felt a deep love from my partner; I was not alone.
Need to be validated I was encouraged and praised by my partner. He/She made me feel like a good person.
Need to be affirmed I really felt important around my partner; I made a difference.
Need to be understood I could always talk to my partner about anything because he/she really listened; What I said was understood.
Need to be appreciated - My partner appreciated what I did for him/her.
Need to be secure I had a home; I felt safe and secure in my environment.
Total=
Excellent: 30-24
Problem: 23-17
Harmful: 16-6
7. What did you score? ____ Which bracket did you fall into? _________ What does this mean? _______________
Source: http://www.ArticlePros.com/author.php?Larry Lloyd
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