After the death of a loved one, there is a lot of planning to do with funeral arrangements and a host of other tiny details. The grief stricken individual is sometimes still in shock and denial and may not be able to function.
How can you help?
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you should ask the grieving exactly what you can do for them. They are in such deep grief at the time that they may not know the answer right away. If you are close to the person and have been through this situation yourself, you may have some ideas of how you can jump in and help without having to ask.
After the funeral, you may be invited to attend the reception, so you can go to the kitchen and throw out the trash or fix some kind of refreshments for those who are attending. In the older days we would congregate around the loved one whether they felt up to it or not and just do things for them. Bring some food over that you have fixed yourself so that they don’t have to cook, Bring food that is easy to eat because at this time, they don’t feel like doing much eating at all. Offer to pick up the kids if there are children involved. Take the kids out to eat. Offer to do errands for them.
Buy a sympathy card and put a check in it as part of your contribution to the expenses of hosting the reception, which should not be too substantial. Just give what you can afford. Remember, grief is the normal process of healing, so suggest and attempt to take them to a support group and go along with them if you see that the grieving process is becoming difficult.
Offer a listening ear. Some people want to talk to someone, but most friends keep away from the bereaved to give them space. They don’t need space all the time. Loneliness is an emotion that can result in depression. Invite them over to dinner, if they seem to be lonely or sad. If the answer to your invitation is negative, give them a few days and try again. Be persistent, but in a gentle way.
The aftermath of grief is lifetime. It never ends. It gets easier to live without the loved one as time goes on. So be a good friend that stick close to them throughout their life. Your friendship will become part of the healing process. This is the time that your grieving friend needs you most. Don’t stay away. Do regular follow-ups and insist on visiting if the person wants to remain alone for any extended time period.
Cheryline Lawson is the mother who has been on an emotional journey of losing her only child and has written a book titled, “Coping with Grief.” Find out more by visiting her website at => http://www.coping-with-grief.com
Cheryline Lawson is the mother who has been on an emotional journey of losing her only child and has written a book titled, “Coping with Grief.” Find out more by visiting her website at => http://www.coping-with-grief.com
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