I grew up with a brother and a sister. Yes, we had sibling rivals, but for the most part, we really loved and cared about each other. Surviving the death of a sibling and living through that kind of grief is unexplainable.
I was the middle child, my brother the oldest and my sister the youngest. People thought I was the oldest because I acted like it. I always protected my siblings and they would come to me for their own problem solving. I loved how dependent they were on me.
My sister was the most dependent especially after the divorce of my parents. She was daddy’s little girl and she couldn’t understand why our parents would part. I was somewhat relieved when the divorce took place because there was so much drama and confusion in my household when my parents were together. I wanted some peace even if that seemed selfish.
However, my sister had a hard time with the divorce and she relied on me for strength to get through it. I supported her as much as I could even though I was only two years older than she was. My sister took a different path than I did in life and she ended up living in the Bahamas for ten years trying to escape her past.
She had three lovely children, which I adored and two of them lived with her and one lived with my mother. One evening when my sister was leaving work to pick up her seven year old from after care, she tried to overtake a car in a hurry to reach her daughter. Another vehicle was approaching and she tried to beat it, but couldn’t. There was a head-on collision and she lost her life. She was the only one who died in that accident.
It was devastating. I had lost my very best friend. She used to call me and we would chat for hours. I missed that. I kept her telephone voice recording for years just to replay her voice. There is nothing to prepare you for death and dying. The advantage of this circumstance is that we all grieved as a family and offered support to each other. I could never have done this alone.
My mother had a much harder time than I did and I felt so guilty for being the one who was still alive. I got over that though because I know that my mother would have felt the same had it been me and the pain for her would not have been any easier. September 18, 1996 was certainly a day of mourning and the grieving mother, sister, father and brother could not handle it by themselves, but together we have healed over the years.
Living through the grief has been a challenge. I won’t deny it. There were days when it seemed like I could not go on. I would search through my sister’s journal to read her thoughts and some things would make me smile and others would make me cry.
We had to survive for each other and for my sister’s children. We had very little choice. There was still something to live for and I had my own family as well. We took it one day at a time and called each other for support and to give support. You will need a support system to get through the grief whether it is family or professional help. Don’t try to go through this difficult journey by yourself. You need someone. I want to encourage you that it will get better so be strong and let the healing process take place by grieving for your loved one. It is a process that must take its course.
Cheryline Lawson is the mother who has been on an emotional journey of losing her only child and has written a book titled, “Coping with Grief.” Find out more about how you can help by visiting her website at => http://www.coping-with-grief.com
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